merry christmas

it’s that time of the year already! damn time flies

time to look back…

well this year i finished my first year of college, it went fine, i even made a couple of projects for some clients with a friend, and now i kinda want to do some freelance work to see what i’m capable of.

i started and finished a 5 months internship to start my second year of college, it was fine but i was kinda dissapointed somehow, i think i expected something better but heh that’s done now can’t change it.

still single, and still feeling lonely at times, i think i’m starting to hate myself sometimes for not being with someone. thankfully i’ve got wonderful friends on who i can rely on in tough times.

speaking of starting to hate myself, i think i’ve got a problem with work: when i’m not doing anything i’m depressed because i want to do stuff, but when i’m doing stuff i’m depressed because i’m not fast enough to produce stuff.

for example, i’m working on a personal project for a couple of weeks now and it’s starting to look like something. there is just one missing thing, and for the last couple of days i can’t get it to work – it’s fine, bugs happend and i’m still learning so it’s okay – but the problem is that because i can’t get it work, i’m not fixing the problem, even though i want it to work!!!!!! i feel so mad, like for the last 2 days i was just playing games on my phone instead of doing the work…. ugh

and i think i found the reason why i don’t go back to see my parents often, it may be because when i’m at my parents’ i don’t wanna do anything, but when i’m not doing anything i feel bad because i want to do stuff. are you keeping up?

anyway the year is closing (as well as the decade, holly shit i barely remember what i was doing 10 years ago, and now i’m an uncle and i got a little brother in this decade, wondering what will happen in the next 10 years), so i hope you’re taking time to see your loved ones.

that’s all for me, see ya next time

-phil